Happy Birthday, Anika!

     So it's been a while since I last posted.  Oops.  I started back to work part-time since the last post, and life hasn't slowed down since.  This post is a special post, however.  Today is Anika's first birthday.  For her birth, I got a baby journal, called The First 1000 Days.  I highly recommend it! It's more of a journal than a baby book, though it has a few pages to add in pictures in the back.  As the name implies, it chronicles the first 1000 days of a child's life, with a couple blank pages for each month, plus fun pages for baby's firsts (it gives different ideas, like first blueberry, first bike ride, etc.), favorite songs, and so on.  Throughout the pages, there are beautiful, folksy papercut illustrations.  Like I said, I really recommend it--I've enjoyed filling out the pages.  Anyway, there's a place in the back for you to include a couple letters from the parents.  Here is the letter I wrote to my sweet little birthday girl.

Dear Anika,

Today is your first birthday!  I have tried as hard as I could to experience this first year of your life without blinking.  As your mama, I live my life now with the excited anticipation of all the new things that Da-da and I will be teaching you over the years, but truly you have taught me more than I could ever have anticipated in the past year.  When I married your Da-da, I thought for sure I knew who I was.  But then Da-da showed me more of the beauty within myself that I could never unearth on my own.  And you, dear Anika, have done the same.  You are turning me into the best Mama I could ever hope to be to you.

    From the moment that I touched your velvety soft skin, and breathed in that intoxicatingly heavenly newborn scent,  I knew that I would lay down my life without even flinching for you.  You have opened up a new world to me.  You’ve shown me that the most profound expressions of love can be found at 3 am, as I nurse you yet again, your sweaty hair plastered to your head, your left leg swung up over my hip as you let out a contented snort.  How quickly I could have missed those moments if I hadn’t opened my heart to it!  One of the most important things I could ever hope to teach you about is the love that God has for you.  It’s a love that runs so deep, and is so life changing.  It’s a lot like the love that Da-da and I have for you, except much, much bigger.

    I’ve loved learning your language, trying to decipher what every coo and babble means, and helping to find equilibrium when your laughing turns to crying.  I love the intensity with which you communicate your world to me.  When you let us know in no uncertain terms that there is something wrong, I see glimpses of the future when I have no doubt that you will stand up for what’s right with the same unmatched intensity I see in you now in those moments.   
    
    I look at you now, as the look of a newborn has faded and is being replaced by that of a little girl.  And oh, how you are such a sweet and precious little girl to Da-da.  You have effectively turned your once stoic father into a babbling, gushing puddle of mush, who would lasso the moon for you the first chance he gets.  I don’t doubt that he hasn’t tried while you sleep.  Some of my fondest memories are of when you were just a fresh little baby, watching as Da-da danced you to sleep to the music of Frank Sinatra.  You don’t realize quite yet how lucky you are to have such a wonderful father, but you will soon enough.     We’ve rejoiced over all the milestones you’ve hit this year, and have discovered that you’ve taught us, yet again, another lesson that we were too oblivious to learn fully on our own.  And that is that the best way to spend our time is by putting all of our energy into the present moment.  That moment, dear Anika, is your moment today, on your birthday.  I’ve recorded it here in this letter as my humble gift to you, for you to read and treasure in the years to come.  But please know that you are truly the gift.  I love you to the moon and back.  

                                                Love,

                                               Mama 

Letting go of expectations

Babies are always changing.  Sometimes it can be hard keeping up with all those changes, particularly when it can throw the rhythm of the day off.  I'm not much for schedules, being more of a fly by the seat of my pants (read: somewhat disorganized) kind of a gal.  But I definitely, and so does Anika, thrive on a certain rhythm to our day at the very least.  When teething, separation anxiety, and just general unexplained baby behavior leaves me feeling a bit lot frazzled, it's nice to get such a clear reminder of God's continued presence and guidance throughout my day.  How quickly I forget His promises!  I found today's devotional particularly fitting for the way this week has gone for me.  From the daily devotional, Jesus Calling, by Sarah Young:

I am the Risen One who shines upon you always.  You worship a living Deity, not some idolatrous, man-made image.  Your relationship with Me is meant to be vibrant and challenging, as I invade more and more areas of your life.  Do not fear change, for I am making you a new creation, with old thing passing away and new things continually on the horizon.  When you cling to old ways and sameness, you resist My work within you.  I want you to embrace all that I am doing in your life, finding your security in Me alone.  

It is easy to make an idol of routine, finding security within the boundaries you build around your life.  Although each day contains twenty-four hours, every single one presents a unique set of circumstances.  Don't try to force-fit today into yesterday's mold.  Instead, ask Me to open you eyes, so you can find all I have prepared for you in this precious day of Life. 

Yep. I needed to read that. Perhaps others do too.